Ruminations of a Sailor: Sweaty Mule Ass and other Zipline stories

The Zipline group, ready to roll!

Where to start with the story...In late April, we signed up for a combo adventure trip in the Sierra Madre mountains outside of Puerto Vallarta: comprised of ATV / zipline / tequila tasting / horseback ride / ending with ATV back to base camp.

We started with a lengthy ATV trip riding up a dirt mountain road, with our little group of 7 revelers and our lead guide Ramirez, and “Chulamama” and “Chulapapa” (which apparently means cute mama and cute papa – they were both handsome young men who accepted their fate as the chulas under Ramirez’ rule. It was all very fun and festive). The other five were a couple from Red Deer, AB and a family from Toronto. Wearing our bandanas to protect from the non-stop dust assault, we wove our way along the dirt road to the zip lines.

This is not the recommended place to drop off

from gulley to jungle, we had some air time!

We traversed rocky trails to experience nine zip lines – over gulleys, rivers, jungles and forests. Each of us carefully nestled into the climbing harnesses under careful guidance of our guides, we took turns being the lead and last traveler.

I am sure this serves as some kind of therapy!

Climbing to the Kamikaze zipline

No one got lost, no one fell (well except for the guy who broke the support fence and fell backwards off the platform), several tried “the Superman” (facing forward layout in the harness), some of us screamed in delight and smiles were prevalent from ear to ear. Fair to say, everyone had a great time.

The tequilas were made in-house up in the mountains, some of them sold as blanco, reposado and añejo (young, aged 6+ months, old). Their specialty seemed to be the flavored (sweet) varieties: pomegranate with seeds, pomegranate / cherry, almond and coffee. Each enjoyed small shot glasses, followed by the offer to purchase any and all for a fine price. And, so we supported their business and bought the yet unopened coffee one, which tastes dangerously delicious (this coming from me, a total non-coffee drinker.)

The quiet cowboy and my horse

And now to the sweaty mule ass story! So, the 5 Canadians fall off from our little group, and ride ATVs back down the mountain while Mike and I were escorted to our horses for our mountain ride. My guide spoke no English and didn’t socialize at all, even with my attempts to speak Spanish with him. Mike’s guide, turns out, lived in Hillsboro, Oregon for 6 years and name-dropped every town around the Willamette Valley he knew.

The guides rode mules, which apparently are smarter than horses and more willing to stay on the trail - so we consider that a good thing. We were lightly tethered from mule to horse following very closely behind as we rode the mountain road. I was really OK with not being set free for my frisky horse to go at its own pace. Mike rode at his own pace with his guide behind us, with the warning to avoid getting too close to my horse as they did not get along.

The reality: dusty trails after a 'clean start'

pre-dusty ATV trip

My chestnut horse didn’t like sticking around behind the mule so we would nuzzle up to the sweaty mule’s ass quite frequently. Can you say, ‘awkward’? I didn’t really mind my leg being wedged between my horse and that sweaty butt - although it was hot and we were all sweaty... That wasn’t the deal. It was more that mules have been known to buck and yours truly was in direct range of that right leg back kick, which I didn't have on my agenda. Of course, none of my attempts to convince the horse to back off (Spanish or English command?) or to explain this situation to my super silent cowboy (Spanish) did any good. When you get ‘stink eye’ from your horse, you know you’d best just be agreeable.

The incredible view of Puerto Vallarta valley

The vista from the mountain road was incredible: overlooking the entire Puerto Vallarta valley with Banderas Bay sparkling blue and the lush mountains beyond. No easy feat to capture that in a photo. We have to capture so many things as they happen in our hearts and minds as memories. That’s what makes them special, I believe.

Plenty of crocodiles at Marina
Vallarta - with appropriate
'no swimming' signs!

We spent a few magical days at Marina Vallarta in Puerto Vallarta, meeting a couple we were introduced to by mutual friends, so that makes it a special connection. We moved on for a few days to Marina de La Cruz with our buddy boating friends and another couple - all friends from our days in Guaymas. We are together now at Isla Isabela, a nature preserve where we hiked trails among the blue footed boobies and magnificent frigatebirds. Watchful frigate birds nest in the trees, the baby boobies are shedding their down and they all stay close as they have no predators and are fearless around humans.

We snorkeled along the cool rock formations but that was cut short by the many jellyfish stings we all experienced. Following happy hour on Pura Vida with our group tonight, probably tomorrow we'll all head on to Mazatlan, another 19-20 hour trip @ 5 nm / hour.